Discerning Family Reader

Review by Jim Koerber

All of us will make life’s final journey when we close our eyes in death (unless the Lord returns first!).  This truly wonderful book chronicles the stories of many who made this journey as seen through the eyes of a hospice nurse. But the stories are not the main story!  The main story is a Sovereign God and the biblical truth that must be heard during such times of grief and trauma.    As D. A. Carson writes in the forward, “Deborah Howard has managed to link narrative and exposition.” 

This book is robustly biblical.  Deborah seeks to address the hard questions through the lens of Scripture.  She brings hope in the midst of suffering and purpose to those sufferings throughout this volume. 

Each chapter contains an issue which must be dealt with biblically.  As already mentioned, these issues are not addressed in some sterile environment.  No, they are immersed in real life cases that she and other hospice nurses have really faced.  The truths presented take on real life immanence as she shares the stories of real people.   The issues address the questions that those suffering ask, and the struggles of the family and other care givers. 

Deborah places a high emphasis on understanding suffering and death from a God-centered perspective.  This is refreshing as many who minister to the grieving often lean toward a man-centered and ultimately hopeless approach.  That is not conjecture as I have seen it with my own eyes having observed programs for the grieving.  Deborah understands our hope is in God alone.   She also does not wince away from the issue of the death of an unbeliever.  With clarity she presents the Gospel.  With equal certainty she addresses the sobering, somber understanding that many close their eyes in death only to experience eternal suffering for their sin. 

This book is also practical.  As such it is a helpful resource to consider long before the words “hospice” are a reality for you or a loved one.  Many questions are answered along the way about the care given by hospice, their goals, and the people you can expect to see. 

Again, this is truly a wonderful book.  However, it is not a book to read at the time you have a need for hospice.  It is a substantial book in that it is 324 pages.  But it is also substantial in that it is deeply philosophical at times.  So my recommendation is that you read this book while you and those you love are healthy.  It will be worth it! 

This book has been especially helpful to me as a pastor.  I have had the privilege of seeing hospice minister to the needs of several throughout the years.  Prior to reading this book I appreciated them from afar.  Having read this book – I know that this is a group of special people dedicated to help people die with dignity and care as those who bear His Image.

In February, 2009, I presented my oldest daughter with a colorful, spiral-bound notebook to record her thoughts on our journey through Girl Talk. Mentoring toward biblical womanhood was not a new journey for us; however, as she entered her teen years I recognized a need to change our focus. I had come across Girl Talk and found it to be just the tool I needed to give this young teenage girl some direction for her privileged, apprenticeship toward womanhood.

Mother and daughter, Carolyn and Nicole, address both mothers and their daughters on two very important issues: First, forging a relationship with one another and second, what biblical womanhood looks like in real life. I know firsthand how important my relationship is with my daughters but it was good to be reminded that it is a God-ordained relationship meant to bring Him glory. Our time in going through this book together has continued to develop that relationship. In the section on biblical womanhood in the real world, they tackle such issues as fearing God, best friends, guys, beauty, modesty, homemaking, and courtship.

When my daughter and I started our journey, we read the chapters individually and then came together to discuss the questions in the appendix. As time went on we changed our approach and read them together. The discussion questions often end with an application directed toward the mother, the daughter, or both. There are appendixes with ideas for making memories together and additional topics to discuss. There is an appendix for a modesty heart check and one for knowing how to lead your daughter to Christ. A special addition is the chapter just for dads by C.J. Mahaney.

We have finished our journey through this book, but our journey on mentoring into womanhood continues. Many chapters end with additional resource recommendations on the subject studied and we have made it our goal to pick from those and continue on together. I highly recommend this book to any mother of a teenage daughter and the relationship it promotes.