Gary Thomas challenges the common assumption that marriage is foundationally about happiness. His assumption is that marriage has to do with God’s designs to make couples holy. Thomas states that the first purpose for marriage is to please God.
This purpose for marriage has profound implications. It brings love, honor, prayer, and sanctification to new depths. Love which remains even in the face of trial, difficulty, and the imperfections of each spouse. Prayer is deepened because of the need for continual reconciliation with our spouse. Since the marriage relationship has a keen way of revealing our sin, sanctification is pushed forward.
Thomas reminds us of the discipline of perseverance. This implies principle based living instead of living according to feelings of happiness. Thomas calls us to face the difficulties in our marriage with an eternal perspective as an aid for perseverance (Rom. 2:7-8).
An outworking of the goal to become holy is the need for forgiveness. He states that we probably do not get married “because it gives us an opportunity to learn how to forgive.” These opportunities will certainly arrive. They are more opportunities to become more holy. Thomas calls the entire process of living graciously with another sinner “falling forward.” His counsel to couples is to fall forward, not away. His counsel is to fall forward even in the face of the most bitter of circumstances. Since holiness is the goal of marriage the following areas will also be important for the couples to develop: Servanthood, sexuality seen as a gift from God, spiritual development, and clarifying our calling.
Definately a good addition to any biblical counselor’s library of resources!
